My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
