I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize