We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
