There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize