Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
