why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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