Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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