Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
