PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
