i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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