I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
