I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!