Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow