If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
