i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
