I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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