she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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