I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
