Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
