Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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