How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
