I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
