After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.