I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages