Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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(816): View more from Missouri

He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS

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(415): View more from California

Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship

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(914): View more from New York

When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.

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