my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
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I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.