I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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