i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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