I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's like iHOP with fire
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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