New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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