I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
