Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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