In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize