Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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