Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
