we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
