Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
