I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize