first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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