I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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