Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
