You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
