Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
