I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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