Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
