Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
