he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
