She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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