i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
