You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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