I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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