He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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