this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
