Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You ruined the universe
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
