i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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