He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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