High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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