Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
