you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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