i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
