Me. At least after what I've been through.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
