hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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