ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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