There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
