some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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