Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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