sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
