We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
