I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
